Divorce Is Not Your Kid’s Fault

Children who have parents who are getting divorced will almost certainly be affected by the divorce. Their family is breaking up and their lives will not be the same. If you are in this situation, here are some thoughts on how to keep kids from blaming themselves for their parents’ divorce.

It is natural for kids to feel that the problem for a divorce lies with them. Kids are not perfect. They disobey the rules and get in trouble. All kids do it, but not all kids have parents that get a divorce. Your children could be thinking that they are the cause.

First and foremost, reassure your kids that you still love them. Kids equate leaving with a loss of love. Let them know that this is not the case in your situation. Even though mom and dad are splitting up, their love for the kids will remain the same.

Kids take a fair amount of convincing before this idea soaks in. Their minds are going over everything they have done just like your mind is probably doing. They see their life as about to change and not for the good. If dad moves out they worry that they may never see him again.

Thoughts like this scare kids. On television, parents get divorced and one parent moves to another state. In some cases, the parents make the kids choose who they want to live with. Both of these situations can be a nightmare for your child.

While nothing is set in stone yet, assure your kids that you will both be around for them as before. When dad moves out, he will still come to baseball games and see you every chance he gets. If dad saw the kids when he got home from work in the evenings, his absence from the home could seem like the kids never see him.

When parents fight all of the time it adds stress to their children’s lives. If a child feels like it is their fault, they will do whatever they can to keep from angering a parent, just to keep the peace. Be aware of these changes in your child. Sit them down and reassure them that they don’t have to keep the peace. That is not a part of their responsibility. All they have to do is continue to be a kid.

Tell your kids as often as you can that you love them. Spend more time with them if you can. Dads may have to cut back on their hours at work to spend a few hours in the evening with their children. Going the extra mile will convince your kids that what you say is true: they are not to blame.

Stay upbeat around them. As parents you have your differences, but the kids come first. Concentrate on their feelings instead of your own. You don’t have to pretend to get along with each other, but let the kids know that you still get along with them.

No amount of coaxing is likely going to stop your kids from initially believing that the divorce is their fault. Knowing this prepares parents to deal with their children's insecurities and fears by facing them head on. Answer questions from your kids and assure them at each stage that your love for them is not in jeopardy because of the divorce.