Marriage Counseling – You Say Yes, He Says No
Marriage counseling isn’t for everyone; yet, sometimes there needs to be a third party who can look at the situation objectively and make recommendations. The trick is to get both parties to want to seek counseling after all other options have been exhausted.
Let’s discuss marriage counseling - you say yes, he says no.
For reasons only known to your husband, the idea of marriage counseling may seem alien and intrusive. For some men, having to discuss their most intimate secrets in front of a stranger can be disconcerting to say the least. Men have their own ideas on how to deal with problems in their marriage; ignore it and it will go away. Moreover, admitting a weakness is not considered manly, and articulating that weakness to a stranger is inconceivable.
How do you convince your husband that marriage counseling is needed? The only way is by talking calmly, rationally, and honestly, and without any threatening tones. Many wives think they can change their husbands if they work on it hard enough. The truth is you can’t change anyone; all you can do is work on your own issues and perceptions of your marriage.
If your husband won’t attend a marriage counseling session, then go alone. Learn as much as you can about your feelings, about the marriage in general, and about your husband in particular. Talking to a marriage counselor can open your eyes to situations you may not be aware of. Remember, you have a subjective view of your marriage. All you can see is what is right in front of you. There is no point of reference. A marriage counselor can help you look beyond your perception, and offer advice and tools to help you understand what has happened and why.
Forcing your husband to attend a marriage counseling session will only exacerbate the situation. Moreover, he may retreat into himself even further. While you are being counseled, perhaps the knowledge you gain about yourself will enable you to better communicate with your husband. He may come to understand how far you are willing to go to solidify the marriage; do all you can to heal and improve it. Furthermore, he may begin to wonder what your future intentions are, and this may be the catalyst with which he will open up to you and discuss the problems you both are having.
Marriage counseling isn’t for everyone. Recognize that your husband may not be able to articulate his feelings to a counselor. Respect his unwillingness to participate but, at the same time, reassure him you are going to do everything in your power to make the marriage work. If you find he is still unresponsive, then perhaps it’s time to seek another avenue of thought.
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