What To Do When Your Child Doesn't Reach His Or Her Goal
When children set goals, they are often quite serious about achieving them. If they miss the mark, it can seem devastating. If not handled correctly, an unattained goal could turn your child off to the idea of goal setting.
It is very important to be there for your child when she doesn't reach her goals. Providing consolation and advice is essential in order to turn a disappointment into a learning experience. Here are some things you can do to heal your child's wounded pride and encourage her to keep trying:
* Acknowledge her hurt feelings, and let her know that they are normal. During times like these, it's easy to forget that nobody is perfect. Gently reminding her can help put a smile on her face and open the door for discussion.
* Talk with her about why she missed out on her goal. Did she fail to complete all of the necessary steps? Was the goal set too high? Knowing what went wrong can help your child do better next time.
* Reminisce about times when your child has successfully attained goals. This is another thing that is often forgotten in light of an unsuccessful attempt. Recognizing your child's strengths and reminding her of them can provide encouragement.
* Suggest ways that the goal might need to be modified, and encourage her to try again. It's important not to force her, however. Doing so breeds resentment, and that will make things much worse.
* If your child is willing to try again, be there to provide help and encouragement. Offer rewards when she completes the steps necessary to reach her goal, and celebrate when she makes it all the way.
* Offer assistance to your child when setting new goals. While it is important to let kids set their own goals, we can provide guidance along the way. It may be that they just need someone to bounce ideas off of. If so, letting them do the talking and providing opinions only when asked might be the best thing we can do for them.
* Avoid dwelling on goals that didn't work out. Focusing on the future and on goals that have been attained is more productive. It is important for kids to learn from their mistakes, but there is no need to keep bringing them up.
Not reaching our goals is hard on adults, and it is even tougher for children. But when we use the failed attempt as a learning experience, it can ultimately be beneficial to the child. By providing a shoulder to cry on and then helping your child figure out what went wrong, you can help turn a disaster into something positive.
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